I NEED TO KNOW . private

[Deleted]

SNOWINGLIGHT !?
^{you can call me queen bee !}

^{female || white w/ blue eyes || hard || attack in italic
words; 279 - just woke up at 10:20}

.the white she-cat had been thinking since frostpaw had asked the question. didn't tigerstar tell you of my father's death? she  shook her head silently, and got off from her spot in the camp, walking into the leader's den. she slowly walked. what if he didn't want to tell her? what if she got demoted? 

maybe she wasn't meant to know. but i'm the deputy! i have to know! she thought, frowning. she stood outside of his den, battling her mind against doubts. she wasn't one to get involved in everything, but this, she had to know. it wasn't fair for anyone.

how did the leader who brought her into windclan, who taught her to be the best she was - die so suddenly? he might have been assassinated. then buried. they just... couldn't find him. it might have been rogues - who knew? but why strip a leader of all the lives he had left? maybe she was right, maybe there was a force trying to take over the clans. maybe it was froststar first - then it would be lionstar, then coyotestar, then whoever was going to lead shadowclan.

next thing they knew, they were slaves and being a medicine cat, deputy or leader meant nothing. not just that she had to know why froststar died, she needed to tell her leader of her doubts. windclan would survive, and if they had to, they would ally with the clans to try and find out if something was coming.

but they didn't get any signs from starclan, did they?

taking a deep breath, snowinglight walked into his den - completely unannounced. "tigerstar," she said, her eyes narrowed seriously. "we have to talk."

^{[c]gryphon/snowinglight}

[Tigerstar]

Tigerstar dreamed that he was a large, tawny owl flying high above the moorland. He could move his wings as he pleased- the less he flapped them, the lower the got to the beautiful slope and the more the flapped the closer he was to StarClan. The Tigerstar-owl flew for forever. His body spun and twisted gracefully in and out of the low gray clouds. He lowered his large bird body and allowed himself to be closer to his home, the tips of his brown wings nearly touching the grass as he glided above the ground. His keen yellow eyes could detect prey from any angle, but for some reason he wasn't hungry. The only thing he longed to do was fly. The owl raised itself higher in the sky- much higher than before, until it felt like the clouds were below him. He overlooked all four territories. The lake was a small splash of water from his view. The camps were much too small to see, even to his sharp owl eyes. He flew on, going south. Suddenly, he caught sight of something that seemed odd- a band of cats all traveling together in a line, their dark bodies silhouetted against the golden field they were in. He wanted to get closer to get a better look at these strange cats, but something tugged him back into the sky. Soon, he felt the owl started to turn around and head back to the lake, but as he scanned the landscape for the cats, they had disappeared. As he was looking down below, the Tigerstar-owl lost control of his body and began spiraling downward. No longer able to control himself, he began to fall straight into the lake. His wings were pinned to his side, useless to him now. The owl hit the water; a wave of dark blue washed over his body. The more he struggled to free himself of this cold grasp, the further he sunk into the depths. With his lungs exploding, heart racing, he realized that he had no way out and then everything faded into black.

Tigerstar woke with a start. At first he was a little confused- why was he in Froststar's den? Then he remembered, remembered it all. It was so horrifying that the orange tabby tom wanted to shut it all out and forget. But he couldn't forget his best friend, who was watching his every paw step. Does Froststar blame me as much as I blame myself for his death? A cold shiver ran down his spine, chilling him to the bone. If he would have just woken up a little earlier that night... Maybe his best friend would still be alive. With a heavy sigh, Tigerstar went back to think about his dream. What did it mean? Why was he an owl? Why did he suddenly lose control and crash into the lake. And who were those cats? he wondered curiously. His chest still hurt, as if he had actually just drowned. He gave his pelt a quick lick, surprised to find that it was actually dry. It didn't happen. It wasn't real. He could tell himself that as many times as he wanted to, but he couldn't shake the feelings of that dream.

Suddenly, his deputy, Snowinglight, walked into his den. It surprised him to see her walk in- he hadn't been expecting her, and she hadn't even been invited in. Tigerstar flicked his ear, slightly angry that she had done this until she meowed seriously, "Tigerstar, we have to talk." A sense of dread washed over him, as cold as the waves that had swallowed him in his dream. He'd always hated those words- they only let to disruption of peace and heartache. The young leader decided to push it away as if it were nothing, but by the look in Snowinglight's eyes told him it wasn't. "If it's Barkpaw complaining again, just tell her to stop. Otherwise she can have a little chat with me." He knew that this wasn't about the trouble making apprentice. Anyway, Snowinglight knew how to take care of an annoying flea like Barkpaw, even if she was born in a Twolegplace. She wasn't rabbit-brained, which lead Tigerstar to believe that this was about Froststar. That was the only thing that would need talking about, unless a fox or another Clan had invaded their territory. I don't want to talk about Froststar, he thought, guilt, anger, and fear knotting his belly. No one must find out. These were the words that he had always told himself. It was his secret along with his brother's. That was the way it was intended.


OOC: Made up Barkpaw on the spot haha. Also, Tigerstar will tell Snowinglight if she persists, but please make sure that she doesn't tell any other cat when roleplaying (I'm going to be saving that with Tigerstar later) (:

[Deleted]

SNOWINGLIGHT !?
^{you can call me queen bee !}

^{female || white w/ blue eyes || hard || attack in italic
words; 269 - yep, that's what's going to happen, basically xD also, there wasn't much to write in reply to tigerstar, that's why my post is short ;-;}

barkpaw. seriously? she walked into the den all mature and stuff, and all he had to say to her was to tell barkpaw to stop? heck no. the one time she tried to be cool like the other deputies, the leader decided it was some annoying apprentice. instead of ranting on about how she was promoted for a reason, she cleared her throat, and bit her lip, actually afraid of what he would say to her. would the new leader dis her for asking about it? she opened her mouth, taking a deep breath, chose her words carefully, and asked, "how do you like your mice?" what the - what? she didn't plan on saying that! she coughed, and sniffed awkwardly, before realizing what she had asked.

she always wanted to ask someone that - no wonder why she had asked it when she was planning on asking what happened to froststar. she cleared her throat, and asked again, "i have to know what happened to froststar." she said sternly, eyes still narrowed. so, there. she asked it, and she felt free of doubt now.

what did she just do. she felt like the drowning owl in his dream, helpless and unable to escape what she got herself into. now she asked it, she also needed the answer - and she wasn't walking out of there without one. maybe he would tell her, she was the deputy, after all. she needed to get involved. maybe if she kept pestering him about it, he would let her know. she would find out sooner or later, but she needed the answer now. right now.

^{[c]gryphon/snowinglight}

[Tigerstar]

Again, he wondered what Snowinglight wanted to ask him, and why it was so important that she had to butt herself in his den without being invited. It sent a sharp stab of anger at his belly, making his tail flick impatiently. He knew that he shouldn't be so rude to his deputy. Snowinglight was not only his second-in-command, but one of his only friends. Although most of his Clan had accepted him for his chewing disorder (this was probably because he had managed to calm it down or chew on his tongue instead of a stick), some still didn't. They could only think to the times when he was an apprentice, on his spare time eating leaves or twigs rather than fresh-kill. They still thought he was a mouse-brain, though in his moons he had learned to ignore their jibes. And surprisingly, now that he was a leader, they almost stopped completely. Only a couple unforgiving warriors and elders stood in his way, but Tigerstar thought he could persuade them to like him only if he was a good leader. Shaking his head slightly, Tigerstar turned his attention back to Snowinglight. She asked him a rather odd question, making him a little angrier .Though he refused to let this show when he meowed back, "Er, warm?" It was more of a question than anything. All this time she wanted to ask me that? Tigerstar grunted dismissively, hoping that she would realize that he wanted her to go away. Maybe he could take a nap- he was hoping that he would be able to see those strange traveling cats again in his dream. Though he didn't much enjoy drowning as a bird, it would be worth it if he could get a better look at the silhouetted cats again.

Then Snowinglight asked her real question. Even though he had suspected what it was about, it sent a wave of shock through his body. He was completely taken aback. Did he hear her right? She wants to know what happened to Froststar? A cold, unforgiving feeling gripped his body like large claws ready to take him away. He didn't want to talk about his best friend. He didn't want to tell her that it was Charredpelt, his own brother, that had killed the leader before him. He didn't want the secret to be shared with another cat, as much as he liked Snowinglight. The fact that she was his deputy flashed in his mind. She deserves to know, a nagging voice whispered in his head. No. I can't! I promised that I wouldn't tell anyone else. Only Charredpelt and our parents should know. He wondered suddenly if his deputy remembered his brother. Probably not. I don't even think they spoke once.

Tigerstar heaved a ragged, frightened sigh. He could smell his own fear-scent rolling off of him in waves, as strong as the scent of a nearby fox. "D-Do I have to tell you?" he asked hesitantly, his voice breaking. It sounded rough to him, maybe even scared. He knew that he should tell Snowinglight, but the idea was hard for him to grasp. He scrambled out of his nest, sending bits off moss flying around his den. They flopped back onto the floor as the young tabby tom began passing his den. "I told myself th-that I wouldn't t-tell anyone," he murmured, loud enough for Snowinglight to hear even though it was meant for himself. His body began to shake violently with fear. "But h-here you are. W-What happened to F-Froststar? My best friend..." His voice broken mid-sentence. He could only look at his deputy hopelessly, staring into her light blue eyes. His own yellow-green ones were as round as a full moons. He sat down, shivering, even though it wasn't very cold outside today. "...was killed by my brother," he finished, his voice suddenly turning serious without stammering. He looked down at his small white paws. Shame prickled his pelt. He still blamed himself for Froststar's death. "One night," he said slowly, "I woke up. I didn't know what had woke me, until I noticed my brother, Charredpelt, wasn't in the nest next to me. I got up and looked around for him until I heard muffled yowls... coming from... this den." He paused, screwing his eyes closed and allowing that to sink in. Still looking at his paws, he whispered, "My brother was attacking him. I got him off of Froststar, but it was too late. Froststar lost his last life under the claws of Charredpelt... My own kin... I banished my own brother, said goodbye to Froststar, then buried him without another word. As you know, I lied to the Clan and said that I didn't know what happened to him, only that I was the new leader." He decided to leave out the fact that he had met Charredpelt at the Moonpool when he was receiving his nine lives. That was something that he didn't want to Snowinglight to know about. She just wouldn't understand how much he loved his brother even though he was a murderer. "You can't tell anyone, though, Snowinglight. You're one of the only cats who knows now."  

[Deleted]

SNOWINGLIGHT !?
^{you can call me queen bee !}

^{female || white w/ blue eyes || hard || attack in italic
words; 487}

silent and surprised. the two adjectives she never thought she'd be. the white feline just stood there, jaw dropped in pure disbelief. no. not the leader's own brother. but she couldn't help feeling the slightest bit triumphant. she was right - it was assassination. but snowinglight wouldn't let it show. she just stood there.

"t-tigerstar ..." she simply murmured, heart beating quickly. if she knew it was his own relative, she wouldn't have asked. the white feline looked down at her paws, rather sadly. she felt responsible - that she didn't wake up to stop charredpelt. everything was her fault.

she sat down, and looked at him, 'eyesbrows' knitted. she flexed her paws, trying to find the words to say 'man, your bro was a jerk, yo' without offending him. she simply exhaled deeply.

"i didn't know ... and - and if i knew i wouldn't have asked. froststar ... i ... i'm sorry about ..." she found herself stuttering, lost for words. she bit her lip, and blinked.

the story he told her. that didn't disturb her, but the fact that a warrior would kill his own leader. she took a shaky breath, then decided on her words, thinking over it over and over whilst she was disgusted with charredpelt.

"where's the body?" she asked, face stern as if she wasn't leaving without her next question answered. she never got the chance to mourn. it wasn't like she was going to dig up the body and try and bring him back.

she was going to quietly sit, head hanging over the lifeless body of the leader, just knowing that he was next to her, watching the young cat that he accepted into the clan, a smile upon his face.

she could see it already - a vision of what was to happen. of course, it probably wouldn't happen. froststar probably had something better to do than sit next to an ex-kittypet. she would be alone. she was always alone.

snowinglight hadn't been one to be attached, ever. but this moment was ... critical. it hit her head and heart like a bullet to a dummy. a claw to the chest. a bite on the neck. a tree dropped on her head. honestly, she was terrified of tigerstar. what if she pushed him too far? would he snap and tell her to go away? maybe even exile her?

she would be a rotten bloodclanner. she would be picked on and bullied. or she would be a rogue. a rogue who had lost her will to live, and just lay there, waiting for rats and maggots to slowly consume her. she wouldn't have had anything to live for.

she wanted to shudder or cringe so bad. but she kept her stare intact, face emotionless, but you could almost feel the sorrow, anger, sadness and guilt (of nothing, really. just feeling that it was all her fault) around her.

^{[c]gryphon/snowinglight}

[Tigerstar]

He couldn't believe that he had just told her. What was I thinking? he asked himself, shaking his head angrily. It was a mouse-brained thing of him to do, but it was out in the open now. No matter what he did, he couldn't change the past or the fact that he had told Snowinglight. Forgive me, Froststar! he pleaded silently. He flopped down to the wet ground and curled his thin orange-striped tail around his soft pink nose. His deputy would have found out eventually, though. He knew that one day he would tell her- and how could he not? Snowinglight was one of his best friends. Tigerstar knew that he couldn't hide a secret like that so deeply forever. If he had to tell anyone, it would be the white she-cat standing before him. He just hoped that she would keep quiet about this whole conversation, to all four Clans. She better not breathe a word to another cat. Tigerstar narrowed his eyes, his pupils becoming slits. He couldn't imagine how angry he would be with her if she told another what really happened to Froststar. Of course, he wouldn't kick her out of the Clan or demote her of her deputy position- he wasn't like that- but he would definitely refuse to speak with her, at least for awhile.

Then Snowinglight asked him a question that he hadn't expected- where he had buried their former leader. He stood up, a little shaky on his paws, and meowed slowly "He loved WindClan very much- I wanted him to stay close to home. I buried him by the tree right outside of camp." He inhaled loudly, his breath ragged. "This is all my fault, though," he said suddenly, voicing his own thoughts. "If I had just woken up a little earlier... I could have saved my best friend..."  After that, his throat formed a large lump, and he was unable to speak. He wished that someone would punish him for all of the pain he had caused- and all of the future pain, once everyone else found out that he was too late to stop Charredpelt from killing Froststar. He wanted to tell Snowinglight that he had promised to make his brother deputy after he was leader and that Charredpelt had attacked him while he was sharing tongue with StarClan, so that he had only received six out of nine of his lives, but the words stuck in his throat, as thick and sticky as tree sap. He collapsed to the ground again and didn't even have the decency to stand up. The cold seemed to seep up through his short fur and tug on his bones, threatening to pull him through the dirt.

I've failed everyone. StarClan, Froststar, my parents, Charredpelt, Snowinglight... the whole Clan. I don't deserve to be called Tigerstar, leader of WindClan. He closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of the short grass that sprouted in his den. Snowinglight should just take my place. She'd probably be a better leader than me. She, at least, didn't let her Clan down.

Words: 530 | OOC: Sorry for the late reply! And I have no muse :'C

 

[Deleted]

SNOWINGLIGHT !?
^{you can call me queen bee !}

^{female || white w/ blue eyes || hard || attack in italic
words; 265}

 she didn't want to tell anyone. even being the talkative, fussy and  snappy she-cat she was, she really didn't want to give away the  leader's secret. it was like a life-or-death situation. if she told  anyone, she'd humiliate the leader, and that was the last thing she  wanted. she took a breath, listening carefully, and placing a slim  paw on tigerstar's offering him a kind smile. this was slightly  embarrassing for her, but she tried to make it look like a 'hey you're    my buddy' smile. she didn't know what else to say, other than telling him that she wasn't going to tell anyone, but everyone was going to find out sooner or later, be it after he died or not, but she tried not to think negative.



 "tigerstar, your secret is safe with me." she reassured him, eyes wide and  determined. maybe froststar was staring down at them now, grinning at the deputy/leader  trust that seemed to blossom. she honestly never expected anyone to tell her a secret at  all, but she was grateful for his trust. thank you, tigerstar. thank you for trusting me. she  thought very silently, exhaling a deep breath silently. she waved her tail before standing  up.



 "do you mind if i visit froststar?" she asked. she wanted to stay the night with him, tell him about her promotion and her activity, what she did to help the clan, her friends and the encounter with lionstar on the border. it felt right. it just did. she was glad that she knew, because she never got to say good-bye.

^{[c]gryphon/snowinglight}